http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/blog.php Club Bleach is your #1 Bleach Forum where you can talk about manga, anime, and virtually everything! Friendly admins and mods let you have productive discussion on almost every topic. en Mon, 21 May 2012 03:21:10 GMT vBulletin 1440 http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/cpstyles/darkvision/misc/rss.jpg http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/blog.php http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?708-remember-me-poem Tue, 08 May 2012 10:42:36 GMT in lit class we had to do a remember me poem. this is the one of me. its pretty close to me. tell me what you think of it??? John Duncan Drawing Drawing, Drawing, Drawing Sketching, Designing, Silence. in lit class we had to do a remember me poem. this is the one of me. its pretty close to me. tell me what you think of it???


John Duncan

Drawing
Drawing, Drawing, Drawing
Sketching, Designing,
Silence.

Solitude.
Solitude, Solitude, Solitude.
Sketching, Designing,
Silence.

From the moment the sun comes up,
Till the sun skinks below the horizon.
Drawing, Drawing, Drawing.
Somewhere in that, the truth lies in.

As the pencil strokes leave their mark,
The paper seems, to me, to make remarks
On how pleased it be
To be drawn on by he

Who is this person?
You might say
Why, his name is John
And he draws anime

We will remember you John Duncan ]]> categami http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?708-remember-me-poem http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?707-quot-Wedding-Life-Insurance-Funeral-quot-My-Month-of-April Fri, 04 May 2012 05:25:51 GMT This blog contains everything of importance for the last month of my life. I am getting ahead of myself, however, so let’s start from the beginning. I had decided to leave Club Bleach before April 2, the date of my birth. I returned on occasions including that day because I missed what was. You... This blog contains everything of importance for the last month of my life. I am getting ahead of myself, however, so let’s start from the beginning.

I had decided to leave Club Bleach before April 2, the date of my birth. I returned on occasions including that day because I missed what was. You would think turning 23 wouldn’t be a milestone year, but considering that it marked five years of adult life, I had much to consider about existence and the grand scheme of things. I sometimes envy those men of action because most of their suffering is material and can be alleviated easily. Meanwhile the cyst of desire still gnaws at my insides. I realized there was a true change inside of me was the following sequence juxtaposed in a short period of time: wedding, life insurance policy, funeral. It is hard to explain the kind of hit I experienced from these, but I will do my best to give a rough outline / completely tangential and self-contradictory rant.

The wedding is what sparked the desires that remained dormant inside because of the distraction of university work. I hate weddings, but that is most likely because none of them are my wedding. I am not one for formal gatherings in the first place, but when I saw the expressions on the faces of the couple, I knew that was exactly what I wanted out of life. It didn’t matter where the wedding was held or who came. It didn’t even matter if the wedding was a success. They knew that; they were together before they were married. I was certain that at least for a while they could experience heaven. Mercilessly, my mind critiqued who I was concerning love, and the results staggered me. I judged myself as an unattractive specimen, unfit in terms of physical stature, facial structure, hair style, and clothing style. I realized that I was incredibly boring and that nobody was willing to tell me. Neither did people want to tell me that I’ve been working for nothing, and that my hard work could not make up for the fact that I’m not a natural genius like many others. They learn so much faster than I and understand better. I felt stupid twice fold, for having a mental disability and for not having the wisdom to realize that I should have abandoned the dream long ago to pursue a more practical living path. Not only that, I am also annoying, a pest. I latch onto other people to interact, but it’s not interaction. It’s me tugging the sleeves of others if only to feel something. I couldn’t bring myself to dance or laugh or talk with others that day.

Next, there were the life insurance policy talks. Before, I didn’t think my life had any intrinsic value, but that ceased to matter as the papers came in. I couldn’t help but laugh inside at the fact that I’m paying a company based on a promise, and that promise being that when I die, my life would have the value determined by the number of years after the deal was made. Currently my life is objectively worth about $30,000. Future career is uncertain, but if nobody is directly connected to me in about five years, I doubt it will matter that much; the number will not change based on what else I do as long as it doesn’t endanger my life.

The funeral of a person I did not know, but went to anyway by my mother’s request. It was a family friend, a woman with a strong faith and loved by many. Based on the story told after the eulogy, the deceased sounded a lot like my mother. I cried. They told of how the faithful will reunite with Jesus, and while the others banded together in song in prayer, my atheist lips were pressed together in silence, for I could not be consoled. I walked up to the casket and saw the waxy unreal face of the deceased, more peaceful than I. I knew that the only thing separating me from the corpse were my irrational and irrelevant desires of mortal life. After shaking hands with the family who sat at the front, I knew exactly what I wanted.

I did not want the degree that I had been dreaming of my whole life to attain. All I ever wanted in life was a lover. I had one once, but I drove her away because of my self-hatred and uncertainty. Now all my affections are towards those that which I know would be impossible to have. I feel broken, for the more impossible it seems, the more I feel connected to it somehow. When I imagine the kiss that I want, it brings my heart to edge. I want it raw, lusty, aggressive and mindlessly hungry. I want our tongues to mingle in complete defiance to death, to suffering. I want to be desired beyond anything else. I know this can’t be as long as my self-evaluation at the wedding is true, but it cannot change the fact that I’m kept awake late at night.

It has taken me so long to figure out what I want that I wonder if there’s still time to change. Now that university is done, I still could not believe how ordinary the last day of exams was. I was stressed to the point of near death before then, and I knew all my efforts were rewarded, but now the excitement is all gone. What do you do when the dream that lasted eighteen years comes to a close? I continue to feel as though I haven’t done enough and that I need to be better. I now know that I’d rather be scared of the future than have certainty in a boring present. I still wonder when I will finally do what I want. ]]> Joe Black http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?707-quot-Wedding-Life-Insurance-Funeral-quot-My-Month-of-April http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?706-intrusions Sun, 29 Apr 2012 18:45:46 GMT when a girl tries to break up a couple she is looking out for the girl when a guy tries to break up a couple he just wants to get with that girl and my opinion on both is this girl: its normal for them and shes doing something she thinks is necessarily guy: he wants to get with that... when a girl tries to break up a couple she is looking out for the girl

when a guy tries to break up a couple he just wants to get with that girl and my opinion on both is this

girl: its normal for them and shes doing something she thinks is necessarily

guy: he wants to get with that girl and piss off the guy and i consider him a sack of shit and needs to be dealt with violently

i hate this shit

RAEG ]]> categami http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?706-intrusions http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?705-I-m-getting-of-this-reservation Fri, 27 Apr 2012 06:26:37 GMT Finally. Our U-Hauls will be loaded by tonight, or tomorrow morning at the latest. I can say goodbye to this God-Forsaken Hell Hole, and never visit it or the demon spawn who dwell here. And I am going to Ohio--EVERYONE on the Internet seems to be from Ohio. O_O Time to scare a few CBers.... Finally. Our U-Hauls will be loaded by tonight, or tomorrow morning at the latest. I can say goodbye to this God-Forsaken Hell Hole, and never visit it or the demon spawn who dwell here.

And I am going to Ohio--EVERYONE on the Internet seems to be from Ohio. O_O Time to scare a few CBers.... ]]> Sarteck http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?705-I-m-getting-of-this-reservation http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?704-In-just-a-few-weeks-I-ll-be-a-sad-sob Fri, 27 Apr 2012 05:23:25 GMT Damnit... why does something that's so great have to come to an end? 2 years ago I started attending classes for Culinary Arts, first starting with Safety and Sanitation, not really talking to too many people, then going through Intro to commercial food production, where I made a huge fool of myself and was branded the class retard, then made alliances with the creepiest woman in class and the sweetest woman in class.
Once I finished that, I was bored all throughout the break, hating vacations, I just wanted back in the program, Enter Chef Lew, he's a nice guy sometimes, and he's a great teacher, but man can he be a snore. That was the beginning of my time in the student kitchen, which was nice, even though my group at the time was one of the worst in the kitchen. Finishing with a B, which isn't bad (I got an A in intro) and then once again waiting for vacation to be over so I could get back into the kitchen.

The thing I'd been waiting for forever, part of the whole reason I joined in the first place: 4th Semester in the kitchen with Chef Michael Pierini. He was a cool dude in my eyes... plus, damn. he's good looking. AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! I was so excited, I fucking hate spring break. Now I've gone through the program almost completely (2 1/2 weeks remain) and now I just HUHH... I want to STAY! I love being in the kitchen, being around everyone (who are finally starting to come around, a bit...) and I don't want to graduate... :( Only because it means I'll be done with the Chefs Program. I feel the same despair I felt when someone stole my cat. I can't even think about it without my mouth forming into a frown... It didn't actually hit me until today, when one of my classmates came in and asked us what we wanted for graduation lunch, something Pierini does at the end of every semester for his graduating seniors, now I'm super sad and just keep going to pieces, this sucks. I won't be able to see the people I've grown to love being around, I'll be home, bored, wondering what the soon to be new Advanced students will be doing, and what the previous beginning students will be doing once they become the new Intermediates. HUHHHHH ]]> Thing http://www.clubbleach.org/forums/entry.php?704-In-just-a-few-weeks-I-ll-be-a-sad-sob