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Yeah man, I'm feeling the pressure. People getting married, girlfriends popping kids... and people ask me where I'm at. I don't know, I don't know where I'm at. I know I've been vocal about not wanting kids, about adopting kids but I'm not even taking the steps to be ready for that. I blindly believe that it will all come into place somehow without me lifting a finger. Naive? Yes. This is me hanging on to youth.
Is it because I'm too selective? The things I want for me aren't the
It's been said that "a moment of realization.... a moment of realization feels like a thousand prayers."
It does. I don't pray but I speak when I sigh. I let it out with a breath. All those ramblings, all that weight I let out without anybody but me and the wind and the absence of the sense of sound. Where do those go though? Who hears that shit? Who would want to hear that shit? Being a god sure does have its hassles.
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It's also been said: "You
It could happen. It happened to me. I've trapped myself in the image that I've created for myself. It's been an on-going project, and even if I cut my hair a certain way, wear a certain style, look like a virgin, look like a punk. I've donned the effigy of multiple ideas of the feminine persona. The madonna, the magdalena and every farce in between. But there's always this underlying quality that's consistent with every person I've tried to be, as if there's an identifiable figure behind the smoke.
I survive through a routine. Wake up, be at work by 9AM, lunch break, off work at 6PM. At the bar by 6:30 then drunk by 10PM. It's a good life, a very good life.
Too much of a good thing gets dangerously dull very fast. I'm not even the type of person who gets bored easily, on the contrary, I'm easily amused, I'd even go as far to say that I'm easily distracted in a good way. But the thing is, I'm a pessimist. It was once said that "my pain now is the happiness I had before,
Life is one big riot that I cannot break up. I can't help but just jump in there like the little punk that I am. Jumping up and down, throwing punches, screaming "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE MOTHERFUCKERS YEAH." And it's just that, I jump into fights that I shouldn't be in in life. I'm a tough cookie, I'm a smart cookie, but once my blood starts boiling from what I see happening in front of me how could I stop?
It's not the adrenaline (maybe), it's to set the senses free.
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